Thursday, October 12, 2006: 4 days left
hmm, had a pretty great time today with minfeng. we cycled and swam heaps, but i think we piled in the calories after all that wonderful exercise so i think it was pretty much for naught. oh well, at least we tried to be sporty. we had dinner at the empress road market and went to claire's house to slack around, watch Honey, and then minf's mom sent me home. minf's coming over to my house tmr and we're going running, then claire's gonna join us for swimming, and we'll go for cell after.
well, its 4 more days till i leave sg and 5 more till i get back my results for mocks. am i afraid? yes, because i dont know whether i should say i put in every effort to do well for my mocks and i am scared that i wont do well. i guess its pretty much the same feeling you get when you all recieve your promo results. blah, i shouldnt be afraid, because no matter how it turns out, i believe that God wouldnt let me down, His plan is more intricate than mine is.
i think i've got very confused feelings. every trip i make back home, i feel more and more attached to it, and i find myself dreading to leave. perhaps its the thought that after so much time spent reconnecting with friends, i really cant bear the thought of having to start all over again once i come back. and then, when i leave perth, i feel even sadder, more and more so with recent trips, also because of my friends over there and that i dont get to spend more time with them either, and every time i hear of the fun that they're having, i feel this pang, of jealousy maybe? that maybe if i didnt come home for the holidays, i would be out there having some fun too. but yet, when i am in perth, i keep thinking of the fun they must be having at home, and how i am missing it all. i think i am pretty selfish, dont you think too? i want the best of both worlds, and i get all moody when i dont get my way. i complain, i get angry and jealous, all because i think i'm getting the worst lot. why dont i ever enjoy whats in front of me, why cant i just be happy with what i have and stop feeling dejected and left out? when will i feel that what i've got is more than enough for me, and i should be happy with what i have?
so many questions, so little answers. i think its time to start appreciating what i have around me, and learn to cherish instead of procrastinating.
and now oh Lord i see my wrong
heal my heart and show Yourself strong
be magnified, oh Lord be magnified.
a shout of praise.
11:55 PM
